


Captain America Civil War: The Great Avenger Bake Off

by aceschwarz222



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Great British Bake Off Fusion, Artist Steve Rogers, Avengers Family, Baking, Competition, Cookies, Domestic Avengers, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Post-Avengers (2012), Sassy Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 19:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10815336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceschwarz222/pseuds/aceschwarz222
Summary: The Avengers need to do something to help promote a more positive, friendly image. Netflix-obsessed Y/N has the perfect idea: The Great Avenger Bake Off. It’s Tony vs. Steve in a battle to see who can produce the best baked good. Nat and Sam are the judges, Bucky and Y/N the hosts. Wanda and Vision are in charge of the live stream and Clint has the fire extinguisher. What could possibly go wrong? Ready, get set…BAKE!





	Captain America Civil War: The Great Avenger Bake Off

“How the heck are we supposed to pull this off?” Steve groaned as he and Tony walked through the common area. You paused the Netflix show you were watching and turned around on the couch. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

Steve flopped on the couch and Tony walked over to one of the leather chairs.

“We need to change our image,” Tony answered. He sat heavily on the chair, and you could hear the faint hiss of air escape the seams. He swung his legs over one armrest and stared at the ceiling.

“What do you mean?” You looked between the two men.

“We need a better image,” Steve repeated. “We break a lot of stuff and get in a lot of fights. Apparently, the higher ups want something a little more positive.”

“But you guys do charity events all the time,” you replied. “Doesn’t that count?”

“You’d think,” Tony grumbled. “But we need something different. Something unique.”

“This is going to be impossible,” Steve sighed, hitting his head back against the cushion.

You paused for a moment to think about how you could help. Your gaze wandered back over to your paused TV show. You let out a small gasp and your face broke out into a smile.

“Guys!” you exclaimed. “I have an idea!”

* * *

  
After a lot of convincing, a lot of bribing, and finally, a lot of threatening, you had everything set up. It was no secret you were obsessed with Netflix. Once you had binged one show, you were on to the next in record time. Your current obsession was a show called The Great British Bake Off, and you knew it would be the perfect way to help show the world how awesome the Avengers were.

You decided immediately that it would be Tony against Steve. After the whole Germany fiasco, it was the most natural competition. You and Bucky had the best rapport, so you were going to host the whole thing. Wanda and Vision were in charge of the cameras and live stream. Tony had hacked the software to allow both cameras to stream at the same time. Wanda would telepathically tell Vision when to switch each camera to allow for a full viewing experience. Finally, that left Nat and Sam as your judges.

“What about me?” Clint asked, scratching the band aid on his forehead. “What do I get to do?”

You shoved a fire extinguisher in his arms as you finished preparing the kitchen. Tony had managed to get an extra oven, and the kitchen was divided in half. Two sets of supplies covered two islands, and the fridge and pantry were stocked with all of the possible ingredients they might need.

You looked back to Clint. “Use this if anything goes wrong,” you directed.

“Seriously?” he asked, looking at the object with disgust. “This is all I get to do? Why can’t I be a baker?”

“Because you nearly burned the kitchen down last month!” Bucky exclaimed as he helped Wanda set up the cameras.

“How was I supposed to know you can’t put aluminum foil in the microwave?!” he yelled back.

Bucky just shook his head and went back to work.

“Fine,” Clint conceded, “so I can’t cook. Why can’t I judge then?”

“Aww, sweetie,” Nat cooed as she patted foundation on her nose. “You prefer to shove food IN your mouth instead of actually tasting it.”

Clint sighed and played with one of the knives lying on the counter. He yelped as the tip nicked his thumb.

“Well, then, why can’t I host?” he asked, sucking the blood leaking from the wound.

“Because of incidents like that,” Steve replied as he walked in the kitchen. “We don’t need  you touching something and messing up the food. Besides, being the fire extinguisher guy is really important! We might need you.”

Clint considered Steve’s words and finally nodded. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “I can do this!” He looked down at his still bleeding thumb. “Anyone have a band aid?” he asked.

Steve pulled you aside as Sam helped Clint with the first aid kit. “You didn’t actually give him a full fire extinguisher, did you?”

You pressed a finger to your lips. “No way. The last thing we need is him setting it off by accident. Vision has the real one by the computers.”

Steve nodded and stepped back. “So how do I look?”

You had given Steve and Tony their own personal aprons to wear for the show. Steve’s was a navy blue apron with a large American flag on the top half. Tony walked in wearing his black apron with “Kiss the Cook” stitched out in a curvy pink font.

“You guys look great!” you declared.

“Are you sure about this?” Steve asked, nervously. “I don’t know why I have to be the one to bake.”

“You’ll be fine,” you assured him. “Everyone loves you.” Checking your watch, you motioned for everyone to get in their places.

“Alright, we go on in three minutes! Tony and Steve, take your places. Wanda, are the cameras and live stream ready?”

“Yes,” she confirmed, checking the computer screen. She held out her hands and red wisps picked up the cameras and put them in position. “We are ready when you are.”

“Good,” you nodded. “Nat and Sam, you guys good?”

“I was born to eat food!” Sam declared, rubbing his hands together. Nat just rolled her eyes and nodded.

“Ready, doll?” Bucky asked as he stood next to you.

You grinned. “Definitely.” You took a deep breath and turned to face the cameras. “Wanda, count me down from five.”

Wanda nodded. “Five...four…” she trailed off and held up three fingers, two fingers, one finger, and then…

“Good afternoon, and welcome to the first edition of The Great Avenger Bake Off!” you exclaimed.

Bucky sidled up next to you and gave the camera a cheeky grin. “We’re here to see which Avenger is truly the best baker of the team.”

“That’s right!” you added. “Bucky, shall we show our viewers who’s competing today?”

“Absolutely doll,” he replied, turning to face the kitchen. “You’re in for a special treat,” he continued as the camera followed his movements. “Today, we’ve got Captain America vs Iron Man. The Civil War of the kitchen, you might call it.”

Bucky stood in front of Steve as you took your place by Tony.

“Now,” you continued, “Steve and Tony have no idea what we want them to bake. So it’s up to them to be creative and give us their best baked good.”

“That’s right, Y/N,” Bucky said. “Before we tell them what they’ll be making, let’s introduce them to their judges.”

“Of course!” you replied. “Our first judge is a well-traveled woman with a love for food. Please give it up for Natasha Romanoff!”

Wanda moved the camera to face Nat, who gave her best flirty smile as she waved at the invisible audience.

“Our next judge is a self-proclaimed food expert, but really, he’s just an expert at eating,” Bucky said, cheekily. “Give it up for Sam “I Gained a Few” Wilson!”

You tried not to groan out loud at Bucky’s teasing, and it took all of Sam’s willpower to keep a straight face for the camera. As soon as it turned around to face Tony and Steve, he pretended to slash his neck as he pointed at Bucky.

“You’re dead, Barnes,” you heard him mutter.

You quickly yanked a still-grinning Bucky over to the competitors who had converted into serious mode. Now that the bake off was real, each man wanted to win.

“Alright, let’s tell them what they’ll be making for us today,” you pressed.

“Sure doll,” Bucky replied. “Gentlemen, today you are tasked with making a classic baked good.” He paused for dramatic effect and looked directly into the camera. “You need to make one dozen cookies! Be creative and show us what you’ve got.”

“You have one hour to complete your task,” you added, trying not to laugh at the shocked expressions on Tony and Steve’s faces.

“One hour!” Steve began to complain. “Y/N you can’t be serious.”

“Normally, I disagree with Capsicle,” Tony admitted, “but this seems….”

“On your mark,” Bucky interrupted loudly.

“Get set,” you continued.

“BAKE!” the two of you shouted in unison.

Tony and Steve’s eyes widened as they realized the bake off had officially started. Sam set the kitchen timer for one hour and it began its continuous countdown to zero.

_ Miss Y/N,  _ Vision said telepathically,  _ We already have over 10,000 views. _

“Cookies, cookies,” Tony mumbled under his breath as he scrambled for ingredients.

Steve already had an idea in mind, and he was quickly measuring out flour into a mixing bowl.

Wanda let the cameras float around Tony and Steve as they hastily prepared their cookie dough. She panned out and turned to the rest of you.

“It looks like Steve already has an idea for his cookies!” you observed. “Nat, what’s your take on his quick thinking?”

Nat flipped her hair and looked dramatically at the camera. “Well, Y/N I think it’s actually pretty risky. I would have liked to see Steve take a few minutes to plan out something.”

Sam hummed thoughtfully, stroking his chin as he nodded. You couldn’t help but smile at how much they got into their roles as judged. “I agree with Nat,” he said. “Knowing Cap, he’ll pick something he knows instead of going for something creative.”

“Interesting,” Bucky commented. “Well I guess we’ll have to see what happens, won’t we?”

You and Bucky continued to make small talk to the cameras as Tony and Steve put together their ingredients. Filling up dead time was going to be a challenge, and that was part of the reason the baking time was so short. Well, that, and it would be funny to watch the two superheroes scramble.

Nat walked over to Steve and peered into his mixing bowl. “So Steve,” she said, “tell us about your cookies.”

Steve wiped a bit of sweat off his brow as he added eggs to the mix. “I’m making chocolate chip cookies,” he replied, glancing up briefly and giving the camera his full-watt Captain America smile.

“A pretty simple recipe, wouldn’t you say?” she asked.

“Maybe,” Steve admitted. “But they’ll be better than whatever Stark is cooking up over there.”

Nat grinned. “Well good luck!”

Vision switched the camera view to Tony’s area. Sam and Bucky were watching him add splashes of vanilla to an odd-colored dough.

“So, uh, Tony,” Sam began. “What the heck is this?”

“Dunno,” Tony responded as he added a cup of flour and a liquid that smelled vaguely like vinegar.

Bucky looked over the camera and raised his eyebrows at you. You shrugged your shoulders and motioned for him to keep asking questions.

“Well, is this your cookie or a biohazard?” Bucky asked.

“My cookie dough?”

“Are you asking us or telling us?” Sam pressed.

“Listen,” Tony replied, waving his spoon at the camera. “I invent things for a living. This is going to be the best cookie you’ve ever tasted. Now run along so I can invent!”

Tony grabbed his bowl and placed it on the mixer. As he switched the machine on, he pulled too far and a cloud of flour puffed all over the counter and his face. When he turned back around, his face was as pale as a ghosts and the tips of his brown hair were dusted white.

Sam and Bucky held their stomachs as they doubled over in laughter. Tears rolled down their cheeks, and Nat practically had to drag them out of the camera’s view. Meanwhile, Tony stared down at the offending mixer as it continued to pulse his dough.

“Well this is new,” he deadpanned.

From the other side of the kitchen, Steve chuckled as he scooped his dough onto his trays. He set his timer and took a deep breath, giving the camera a thumbs up.

“So Steve,” you said as you and Bucky walked over, “tell us where you’re at.”

“Well the cookies are in the oven,” he replied. “Now I just need to bake them and get started on the icing.”

“Icing?” Bucky asked, suppressing a laugh. You snorted as well, and Steve gave you both a confused look.

“Cookies aren’t so simple when there’s icing involved,” he replied, smugly.  

You and Bucky couldn’t hold it together any longer, so you nodded and quickly walked away. “Do you think he knows his oven isn’t on?” you whispered. Bucky shook his head and let out a huge guffaw.

_ There are quite a few questions pouring in,  _ Vision said.  _ Perhaps it would help our image if we shared a small part of our personal lives with our viewers. _

You, Bucky, Sam, and Nat spent time answering viewer questions from the live feed as Tony and Steve continued their hard work.

“Who’s the funniest Avenger?” Wanda asked as she scrolled through the questions.

“Me, for sure!” Sam replied immediately.

Bucky scoffed. “Please Mr. Chicken here has a sense of humor that’s drier than his mom’s fruitcake.”

“Don’t go insulting my mom,” Sam warned. He shook his fist menacingly in Bucky’s direction.

Wanda cleared her throat and quirked her brow. The boys chuckled sheepishly as she read the next question.

“What’s your favorite thing to do on the weekends?”

“I love movie nights,” you replied.

“Sleeping,” Nat said, nodding thoughtfully. “Sleep is nice.”

“I like to read,” Bucky responded. “It’s been nice to catch up on everything I’ve missed.”

Everyone else stared at him thoughtfully, and you could almost hear the collective “awww” coming from the viewers at home at Bucky’s sweet confession.

_ There are a lot of hearts showing up on the screen _ , Vision announced in your head.  _ Should I be worried about the computer? _

You shook your head and smiled, making a mental note to explain emojis to Vision later.

The dinging of a timer broke the spell, and Steve cheered triumphantly as he opened the oven door. His smile quickly fell as he realized his dough was still completely raw.

“What the heck?!” he exclaimed. “My oven’s not working! I call sabotage!”

Nat and Sam burst out laughing as Steve’s face turned a patriotic shade of red. You and Bucky placed sympathetic hands on each of his shoulders.

“Steve,” you said, mock-sadness lacing your voice. “Are we having performance problems?”

“Of course not!” Steve yelped, the tips of his ears flushing brightly. “My oven isn’t working.”

“That’s what they all say, Stevie,” Bucky replied, shaking his head. “That’s what they all say.”

You finally decided to put Steve out of his misery when it looked like his face was about to explode from embarrassment. You set the temperature of the oven to 350 degrees and pressed start. The oven beeped as it started out at 100 degrees and began to rise.

“Looks like someone forgot to turn on their oven,” you said, turning to the camera. You patted him on the back. “Better get cracking, Steve, there’s only 30 minutes left!”

“What’s the matter, Cap?” Tony called from across the kitchen as he put his globs of dough in the oven. “Can’t take the heat?” He shut the oven with a triumphant huff and held out his arms in a challenge.

“Just you wait, Stark, this isn’t over yet,” Steve responded. He got busy prepping the ingredients and food coloring for his icing.

Tony just hopped on the counter and kicked his legs against the cabinet as he waited for his cookies to bake. He looked between Steve and his oven a few times before finally jumping off and grabbing some fruit from the fridge. He began cutting strawberries and grapes.

Eventually, there were only five minutes left on the clock as you walked over to Steve. He was waving a pan over his newly baked cookies. You had to hand it to him, they did look like delicious chocolate chip cookies.

“So Steve, tell us what you’re doing now,” you implored.

“I’m trying to cool the cookies down,” he answered as he continued to wave the pan. “If I try and put the icing on when they’re too hot, it’ll just run right off.”

“Well you’ve only got five minutes left, so good luck!” you replied.

Time seemed to pass faster and faster as the men hustled to finish their final products. Tony didn’t even have time to turn off his oven as he frantically shoved his cookies on a plate. You and Bucky stood in the center of the room as the last minute passed by.

“Three...two...one!” you announced.

“That’s it!” Bucky followed. “Step away from your cookies!”

Tony and Steve both backed up with their hands raised in the air. They let out small cheers as they realized they had actually completed their tasks.

“Alright, Steve,” you announced, clapping your hands together, “please bring your cookies to the table.”

Steve carefully brought his full plate of cookies over to the round table Clint had cleared off. Clint sat up on the counter next to Tony’s open oven to observe the judging.

The cookies were a perfect golden brown, and you could smell the warm chocolate in the air. Steve had even managed to use icing to create mini Captain America shields.

“Holy cow,” Sam breathed. “These look amazing!”

“But do they taste amazing?” Nat asked, picking up a cookie. She looked underneath and nodded. “Nice color for sure.” She snapped the cookie in half and took a small bite. “The outside is crisp, but the inside is still a bit chewy. What do you think, Sam?”

Sam couldn’t answer because his mouth was completely stuffed with cookie. “Mmhmm,” he agreed. “Could have been baked a bit longer. And it’s a little too sweet. But it’s still good!” he added quickly, noticing Steve’s glare.

“If my oven had been on…” Steve grumbled.

“Overall, really nice cookies,” Nat assured him. “Stark! Your turn!”

Tony brought his plate piled high with a large pile of cookies. At least, you all thought they were cookies.

“Well you certainly lose points for appearance,” Sam said bluntly.

“Yeah, this isn’t exactly what I call uniform,” Nat added.

It was true. The cookies were all different sizes, shapes, and colors. Grapes and strawberries were scattered messily on top. None of you could tell if the blackened areas were burns or purposefully cooked into the dough.

“So, uh, what do we have here?” you asked.

“Well,” Tony said, “they’re a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Sweet, savory, you name it, this cookie’s got it.”

“Are they safe?” Sam asked, holding one up to his nose and sniffing it.

“Of course!” Tony replied.

Nat carefully held one up to her mouth. She had to cup her hand underneath to catch the loose grapes and strawberries. Taking a small bite, she closed her eyes.

“Oh my god,” she moaned.

“Aha!” Steve yelled. “They’re horrible, right?”

Nat shook her head. “No, they’re amazing!”

“What?” Sam asked. “No way!” He took a bite of his own cookie and threw back his head. “Holy crap, Stark! These piles of crap shouldn’t taste this good!”

“It’s like the sweetness is dancing on my tongue,” Nat complimented. She grabbed another one and shoveled it in her mouth.

“Okay, friends,” you announce, “I think we have all the information we need!”

“Nat and Sam, why don’t you step aside to determine a winner?” Bucky asked.

The two stepped aside briefly to discuss. After a few tense moments, they came back, ready to announce the best baker.

“So, we’ve thought a lot about it…” Nat started.

“It was a tough decision, but we feel confident,” Sam finished. “The winner of The Great Avenger Bake Off is…”

“Both of you!” they shouted in unison.

“WHAT?!” the rest of the room exclaimed.

“Steve’s looked fantastic,” Nat said. “I mean, true works of art.”

“But Tony’s tasted better,” Sam added. “So it’s a tie.”

“You can’t do that!” Tony exclaimed.

“We just did,” Nat replied, smugly.

You and Bucky quickly recovered as the competitors stared at the judges in absolute shock.

“Well, folks, you heard it here first,” you declared. “Both Iron Man and Captain America are mavericks in the kitchen. When it comes to cookies anyway.”

Before Steve or Tony could protest, Bucky sniffed the air. “Do you guys smell something burning?” he asked.

Everyone else smelled the same sour scent and looked around for the source. You turned around to find Clint still perched on the counter. His untied shoelaces were dangling and smoking in the open oven. Suddenly, one lace sparked and caught fire.

“CLINT!” you yelled. “Your shoelace!”

Clint looked down and yelped in surprise. “Ahhh!!!” He jumped off the counter and ran towards the fire extinguisher. He pulled on the nozzle, but since it was the fake one, nothing came out.

“It’s not working!” he yelled.

Not knowing what else to do, he flung his shoe off and smashed it into the light above one of the islands. Glass shattered and the lights flickered. Tony and Steve rushed over to try and calm him down as Nat and Sam got the real extinguisher.

_ Miss Y/N and Mr. Barnes, we are still streaming _ , Vision informed them.

You and Bucky looked at the complete chaos in front of you. Chuckling weakly, you turned back to the still active cameras streaming every moment.

“Well guys,” you said, “thanks for joining in!”

“Yup,” Bucky replied. “Be sure to tune in again for the next Great Avenger Bake Off.”


End file.
